If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
Randomize
