I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
Randomize
