She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
Randomize
