Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
Randomize
