Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
tell me about the eggs
Randomize
