he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
