hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
Randomize
