I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
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