i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
