Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Randomize