I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
Randomize
