were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
Randomize
