we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
