Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
Randomize