Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
my sisters under your porch take her home
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
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