I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
Randomize
