The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
Randomize
