turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
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