i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
Randomize
