Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
Randomize
