jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
Randomize
