yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
Randomize
