I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
Randomize
