i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Randomize
