why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
Randomize
