Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
Randomize
