I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
The beers last night were like the tears from god
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
Randomize
