he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
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