He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
Randomize
