I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
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