if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
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