He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
Randomize
