Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
Randomize
