Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
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