I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
Randomize
