sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
She needs sedatives and a leash
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
Randomize
