So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
Randomize
