U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
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