I feel great
I just peed on a car
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
Randomize
