think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
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