I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
Randomize
