Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
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