she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
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