I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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