she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Randomize
