K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
Randomize
