I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
Randomize
