When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
Randomize
