Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
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