I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
