Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
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