direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
Randomize
