So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
Randomize
