he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
Randomize
