When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
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