we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
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