I should be sponsored by Trojan
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
Randomize
