call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
Randomize
