she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
Randomize
