I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
Randomize
