ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
Randomize
