saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
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