guys are only as good as the porn they watch
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
I need moral support for this bender
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
Randomize
